A Path
by PerpetualSnare
Summary: A collection of random Nick/Amanda one-shots. I try to update about once a week.
1. Chapter 1

Nick wrapped his hands in Amanda's loose hair and brought his lips to hers. After everything that had happened, they were grateful to be alone in the soothing shadows of her apartment. Amanda basked in his embrace, but broke the kiss when she felt water fall from Nick's eyes onto her face.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a little sad," Nick whispered. He had never been this transparent with her before and it made him feel vulnerable, but he couldn't put on a mask – at least not tonight.

"Amanda, I feel so lost."

"You're not lost – you're _here_ with _me_," Amanda said quietly. She lifted her right thumb up to his face, sweeping it gently across his cheekbone to remove his sorrow.

Nick looked down at Amanda's caring face and her laughing eyes. _She loves me, _he thought. They had never said it to each other before, but Nick knew what it meant when a woman dried your tears as if she were your mother. _That is why she did this – she loves me. _Then something else occurred to Nick._ Amanda isn't loaded. How in hell did she come up with the money to bail me out?" _Nick's sinking heart knew the answer as soon as his head asked the question.

It wasn't until that moment that Nick understood what love could be – or – at _least_ what love with Amanda could be. She had fought for him during his lowest point; and now at _all_ costs, he would fight for her. He didn't want Amanda to take a fall for him – _ever_. Never again would he allow Amanda to risk her career for him. She could have lost it _all._ Maria could move to the moon for all he cared. As long as there were rockets by which he could visit his daughter, Maria was welcome to take a long walk off a short pier. His path to redemption lay with Amanda.


	2. For All Of Us

A smooth black curtain had already fallen on lower Manhattan for the evening when Nick reached his hand into the fridge for a beer.

Nick had been pulling desk duty at 1PP's Real Time Crime Center since the end of May. At first, he had missed being out in the field, but after a few weeks he came to enjoy the lack of drama that the job afforded him. At least he was drawing a steady paycheck; things could _always_ be worse. He _certainly_ didn't miss dealing with pedophiles and rapists on a daily basis. Despite the mandatory anger management classes, he _still_ wanted to punch a hole through a wall when Amanda came home and told him about the pond scum who she was wrangling with.

Nick eyed Amanda carefully as she diced up cherry tomatoes for the salad that was already on the dinner table. Maybe it wasn't the best time to broach the subject, but he didn't want to put it off any longer.

"Amanda, I've been thinking."

"About what?" Amanda asked without looking away from the task at hand.

"The last four months have been good – no problems with the job – just a nice summer."

"Yea, they have been good," she agreed, waiting for Nick to continue. What was on his mind?

"I was thinking that maybe me getting back to SVU shouldn't be the goal."

Amanda put down the tomato stained paring knife and turned to face Nick. Her eyes were full of curiosity.

"Wait – I thought you were biding your time at 1PP so that you could return to SVU?"

"I thought so too, but if I go back to SVU then _this_ –_ us_ – has to keep being a secret and. . ." His voice trailed off.

"_And_?" Amanda prompted Nick to complete his train of thought.

"And I don't want that," he finished before taking a sip of beer.

"What are you saying?" Amanda was surprised to say the least. Was Nick really willing to take the next step and disclose their relationship to their family and to their colleagues?

"Amanda, we've got a good thing going – at least _I_ think we do – it's getting to be a pain keeping secrets from everyone – _especially_ from Zara – I mean when she came to visit last month, I _had_ to have her stay with Olivia. We've got a home here – and Zara should be able to stay here with _us_."

Amanda eyed Nick warily. "Don't you want to be back at SVU?"

Nick had given this a lot of thought. Sure, he didn't want to be sitting on the eighth floor of 1PP for the rest of his life, but there were other options besides SVU.

"No, actually I don't. I thought maybe I could return to Narcotics."

"There could be a lot of UC work in that, which you know full well," Amanda told him with a sigh. She needed to worry about Nick getting hurt in a drug bust gone wrong like she needed a hole in the head.

Nick didn't want Amanda to become upset. "Maybe the Movie and Television Unit?" he joked. A tiny smile spread across Amanda's face as she pictured her boyfriend hobnobbing with the likes of Martin Scorsese and Quentin Tarantino. It was a ridiculous idea.

Amanda laughed and said, "That's _not_ going to happen; you need to know somebody high up to get in there."

"Yea I know, it was just a joke. Maybe I could just do desk duty at Narcotics."

"Yea, maybe," Amanda said quietly and then asked softly, "So, this change of heart is only for Zara's sake?"

Nick knew exactly what Amanda was asking. She wanted to know where she stood in his game plan, it was only natural and he didn't blame her one bit. Nick set his beer on the counter and then placed his hands on her hips, sliding his index fingers through the belt loops of her faded jeans to draw her closer to him.

"No, it wouldn't just be for Zara's sake. It would be for _all_ of us."

* * *

A/N: This chapter was written as a one-shot. I decided to tack it onto Ch 1 of "A Path" - but the next chapter is a pre-existing rollaro one-shot that I wrote in January called "In This Life" - I thought it gelled really nicely with the first two one-shots, so I decided to combine them all in chronological order. Enjoy!


	3. In This Life

Nick sat in his car drumming his fingers anxiously against the steering wheel. It was a little past six thirty in the morning and the light from the emerging sun had already started to fan out across his neighborhood. Nick thought about turning on the radio to get the weather report, but decided that silence would be better. The back door to his sedan opened and a large dog with a beautiful sandy brown coat bounded into the backseat.

"Sit," a stern female voice commanded. The dog immediately complied and splayed her long body across the entire backseat. The woman forcefully slammed the back door shut and then opened the front passenger door. Amanda plopped down next to Nick and smiled.

"Are we really doing this?" Nick asked as Amanda closed the door behind her.

"Wait, are you having doubts?" Amanda responded while narrowing her eyes at him.

"No doubts…I just want to make sure that—"

"Look, Maria was thrilled for us," Amanda cut him off. "Zara and Gil know and are cool with it. Compared to telling them, telling Olivia should be a walk in the park."

"I guess. I just don't want to disappoint her, ya know?"

"Liv will understand, _trust me_. You know that she has our backs - on the clock _and_ off."

"Yea…she's a good heart," Nick agreed.

Amanda rested her left hand on Nick's upper right thigh and said, "We've been in this grind for _almost_ four years. It's time that we did something for_ourselves_. It's the right thing to do and you know it."

"I know. It's just…" Nick paused to gather his thoughts. "I never thought that I'd see the day when I'd be requesting a transfer back to Narcotics."

"You _are _okay that it's _you _and not _me_, right?"

Nick saw the apprehensive look on Amanda's face. "Don't worry – I'm _more_than ready to walk away from SVU. It's a good fit for you, but—

"But not for you?" Amanda completed Nick's line of thought.

"After everything that has happened, I honestly just want to wash my hands of it all," Nick explained.

"I get that. I feel the same way sometimes."

Amanda frowned when she saw how much tension Nick was carrying in his jaw. She placed her hand on the side of his face that was partially concealed from her. When Nick felt Amanda's hand on his skin he leaned his cheek into her rough yet warm palm. He detected the pleasing aroma of her lavender scented body wash, which made him smile. Amanda gently turned his face to meet hers.

"Let's go," she whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Amanda Rollins had two jobs to finish before 1 pm and she was running late on both of them. Much to Amanda's frustration, Zara had taken over a half hour deciding which dress to wear to the party. And then Amanda had taken fifteen minutes trying to tame the little girl's long thick hair into something presentable. They finally managed to get out of the apartment at 12:17 – they should have left by 11:30.

Nick was already at his mom's place, making sure that she didn't catch wise to the surprise party that her son was throwing for her 65th birthday. Zara's attendance was part of the big surprise as Adele believed her granddaughter to be in California with Nick's ex-wife.

The first time that Zara had met Amanda at her dad's work, she had thought she was very pretty and kind. Amanda had reminded Zara of a Disney princess; she had even told her father so after they had left the precinct. Nick had just laughed, trying to imagine Amanda Rollins dressed as Cinderella.

Then Cinderella started dating her dad and suddenly Zara wasn't so fond of Amanda anymore. Her mom loved her - her dad loved her – those two things she was sure of, but they didn't seem to love each other anymore. Zara just wanted things to go back to the way that they had been before Maria moved to DC – she wanted her and her parents to be under one roof. But that was not how things were. Now when she came to visit New York she slept on Amanda's couch while her dad and Amanda slept in the other room. They said they were looking for a bigger apartment so she could have her own room when she stayed with them, but that didn't make her feel better. There was _one _consolation though; Zara_ adored_ Amanda's dog. Spending time with Amanda's dog was really the only thing that Zara enjoyed about the recent visits to New York.

Sometimes Zara was insubordinate just to stick it to Amanda – just to make sure that Amanda knew she wasn't her mother. Two nights ago, Amanda had to tell Zara three times to get ready for bed before Nick stepped in. Sometimes, Zara would say she didn't like what Amanda had cooked, even though there was nothing wrong with the food. Nick became angry when Zara gave Amanda a hard time, but Amanda knew that his little girl was just testing her, so she tried to not let it get to her.

* * *

When Amanda entered _Mama Rosa_, she made a beeline for the counter. They were due at Adele's at 1 and it was already 12:42.

"Hi, I'm picking up a sheet cake for a Nick Amaro."

"The one with the roses, right?" an ancient man behind the counter asked.

"That's the one."

"Yea, let me get it."

The old man shuffled a few feet to a small square table and gently picked up a pink rectangular box. He shuffled back towards Amanda and Zara, placing the large box in front of them before opening the lid to reveal a beautiful and delicious looking cake.

"Is the writing good?" the old man asked them.

Amanda looked at Zara, thinking that she should try to include the little girl in the transaction – try to get her involved. "That's the right spelling on your Grandma's name right?" Amanda knew what the correct spelling was.

"Yea." Zara rolled her eyes in annoyance. Amanda was the adult – why was she asking a kid about proper spelling?

"It looks perfect," Amanda said quickly. They really needed to be on their way. It was a Saturday and she expected traffic to be very heavy.

"It will be $31.88."

Amanda reached into her jacket pocket to pull out her wallet, but all that her hand felt was polyester lining. She grimaced a little and then slipped her hand into her other pocket. All she found were her phone and car keys. The grimace turned into a panicky frown. Suddenly, Amanda had a clear vision of her black wallet lying on the kitchen table next to her empty coffee cup. She had taken it out of her pocket that morning to check the numbers on her credit card for the flowers they were having delivered to Adele's. Was it possible that she hadn't put it back in her pocket?

"Shit," Amanda let an oath escape from her frustrated lips.

"What's wrong?" Zara asked. She could see that Amanda was upset.

"I think I left my wallet at the apartment. I'm going to make a call, I'll be right back," Amanda said to the man behind the counter. "Come on," she called to Zara, who sighed and followed her out of the bakery.

Amanda stepped outside and reached for her phone to dial Nick. Zara was silent as she watched Amanda wait for her dad to pick up. Zara hoped that he wouldn't be angry. Amanda took a deep breath when she heard Nick's _hello._

"Nick, you're not going to believe this, but we're at the bakery and I think I left my wallet at the apartment. I can't pay for the cake. There is _no way_ we will be there by 1 o'clock."

Amanda's panicky frown gave way to a resigned frown. The corners of her mouth were turned so far down that they were about to hit the sidewalk.

"I know I can't drive without my license – you're going to have go back to the apartment, get my wallet, and then meet us here." Amanda felt a heaviness in her chest and her face became darker with every passing second – Zara couldn't hear what her father was saying, but she instinctively knew that he wasn't pleased.

"Okay, we will wait here. I'm really _really_ sorry." Amanda sighed. She ended the call and put her phone into her pocket. Amanda began crying. Not just crying – sobbing.

Zara was startled and her little heart dropped in her chest. She took Amanda's hand without thinking and squeezed it. "Why are you crying?"

"Your dad worked so hard on this party and I just wanted it to be a perfect day for him – with you and his mom – and I just messed it up," Amanda sniffed and wiped some of her tears away with her jacket sleeve. "I mean I'm a cop and I can't do a simple thing like pick up a birthday cake."

"It's okay Amanda, it's just a cake. Grandma won't care if we're late," Zara whispered and then found herself hugging Amanda's small frame tightly. Amanda briefly grazed her left hand over the girl's soft hair before it passed around to her back to return the hug. Amanda felt ridiculous. She _was_ crying over a cake. Her boyfriend's seven year old was more of an adult than she was. Zara gave Amanda a final squeeze before pulling away. Amanda saw that the little girl had a few tears drying on her small smiling cheeks. Amanda felt hopeful and she didn't know why.

"Let's get some ice tea or something while we wait for Daddy," Zara suggested.

"With what money?"

"I've got $10 left from my last allowance," Zara replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

"And you're buying?" A smile curled onto Amanda's lips. Here Zara was trying to put a Band-Aid on the morning by using her pocket money to buy them a drink.

"Yea, you've got to pay me back though," Zara said. She was a no-nonsense little girl.

"Deal," Amanda replied. She took Zara's hand and the two of them set out to find a coffee shop.

The storm would pass.

* * *

A/N: I think I'll just keep A Path open as a collection of one-shots - so even if I fall off the bandwagon - they can stand on their own. I hope you enjoyed this one.


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda turned up the volume on the stereo before she made her way back to the kitchen. While she wasn't the biggest of Radiohead fans, she _had_ been listening to _The Bends_ a lot lately, _especially _at night. As she picked up her wine glass, she wondered if Nick would remember that this had been the album spinning at the bar on the first night that he had come home with her. _Men and women usually remember these things differently, _she mused. The music was very loud, but she didn't care if it bothered the neighbors. She just wanted to zone out for a little bit before Nick and Zara came back from walking the dog. They had decided to kill two birds with one stone. On their way back from walking the dog, father and daughter had plans to pick up the Thai food that they had ordered for dinner. Amanda already had plates on the table – two circular white ones for the adults and the _Frozen_ themed one that Zara liked to eat off of. They tried to keep the apartment as kid friendly as much as possible.

Amanda took another sip of wine, but then remembered that she had to pace herself when Zara was visiting. She thought about checking her e-mail and was about to head to her laptop when the doorbell sounded. Amanda distinctly remembered Nick taking his keys off of the counter on his way to the door; she knew it wasn't him. When she looked through the peephole her breath caught in her throat. Smelly Jake was standing on the other side of the door. Well, his name was really _just_ Jake, but she silently added the_ Smelly_ in her head every time that she saw him.

Thom Yorke's pleading vocals would certainly be audible out in the hallway. Amanda couldn't pretend that she wasn't home. Nick had said they would walk as far as the Duane Reade closest to Zuccotti Park. It would be at least another 20 minutes before he and Zara would return. Amanda had time to take care of old business before sending Jake on his way. Nick wouldn't have to know.

She opened the door and put on her best stone face.

"Mandy – nice to see you," Jake said and then winked at her. Amanda _hated_ when people called her Mandy. She would _never_ be a _Mandy_. Jake was wearing his Pink Floyd t-shirt. _His Rolling Stones shirt must be in the wash, _she thought_. _Amanda had never seen him wear anything else.

"Jake, what do you want?" There would be no pleasantries this evening.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing." Bullshit - that _wasn't_ what he wanted.

"Can I help you?"

Jake leaned against the door frame like it was an old drinking buddy. "Are you going to invite me in?"

Amanda couldn't believe how dense Jake was. "Actually, I'm kind of busy," she snapped back at him.

"Yea, well too bad." Jake brushed past Amanda into the apartment. He spun around and added, "You missed your payment last month."

"I know – the security deposit on the new apartment was a bitch – I couldn't make it."

Smelly Jake looked around the apartment, taking note of the décor. It didn't exactly look like a page out of Crate and Barrel, but there were some quality pieces of furniture in the living room. Three large brown boxes were parked by the television, which seemed to suggest a fairly recent move.

"You must be doing well if you have a two bedroom in this neighborhood."

"Actually, I'm splitting the cost with my boyfriend – I couldn't afford this on my own," Amanda replied curtly.

"Boyfriend? Do I know him?" Jake's interest had been piqued.

"No." Amanda didn't think that Jake had ever met Nick. Jake noticed a picture of Zara that was taped to the fridge. Then he saw the_ Frozen_ plate on the table.

"Who's the little girl?" Jake asked with genuine curiosity. He knew that Amanda didn't have kids.

Nick would blow a gasket and then some if he knew that Jake was in their apartment, let alone asking questions about his daughter. Amanda tensed up and said, "That's my boyfriend's kid. They should be home any minute now – they just went to pick up dinner." She hoped this information would speed up Jake's departure.

"So you're playing house are you? I'm surprised," Jake said with a shake of his head.

"What do you want? Why are you here?" Amanda was starting to become really annoyed.

Jake walked closer to Amanda and said, "Just wanted to check up on one of my favorite girls."

Jake had tried to get in Amanda's pants when he had been her bookie, but she had rebuffed him. Did he still think that he had a chance? Jake now stood no more than 10 inches away from Amanda. He _still _reeked of wet cigars and Old Spice; Amanda wanted to gag. Jake brought his hand up to her face as if he were going to stroke her cheek, but she took a giant step back before he had a chance to touch her.

"Get out!"

"Why so angry?" Jake looked hurt.

"I've cleaned up my act, okay? I'm just paying off _old_ debts now. I'm_ not_ getting into anything new – SO leave _now_," Amanda shouted while pointing a shaking index finger at the open door.

Jake looked past Amanda to the picture of the dark haired girl on the fridge and then looked back at the wild look in the blonde's eyes. _Maybe she_ _really has cleaned up her act, _he thought. He didn't want to gum up her life if she was now looking out for a child. He wasn't _that _much of a low life. Jake astutely walked past Amanda's pointed finger and stopped at the door frame. He eyed Amanda cautiously. Part of him was glad that she was in a healthier place, but there was a small patch close to his heart that missed the old Amanda.

Jake stepped into the empty hallway and then turned to face Amanda. "If you ever have an itch, you know where to find me," he said in a soft and unassuming voice. Amanda and Jake stood staring at each other for a few moments, trying to read the other's thoughts. Both of them sensed that they would never again inhabit the same world. Amanda certainly had nothing more to say.

"One more thing Mandy, _don't_ be late with next month's payment."

Jake grinned and walked away towards the elevator.

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! To the reviewers who post your own work on FF : I will surely repay the kindness in the near future. :-)


	6. Chapter 6

Amanda's day had been absolute shit. Because of the rain, morning traffic had been a nightmare. Amanda ended up walking into the squad room over 40 minutes late, much to Captain Dwyer's annoyance. Then, Olivia had left around 10:30 because Noah's daycare had called to say that the little boy seemed to be running a high fever and that he was crying up a storm. Olivia thought it best to take Noah to the pediatrician and have him checked out. Amanda was happy that Olivia had Noah in her life now, but she wasn't always thrilled when she had to shoulder more of Olivia's work load when "maternal duty called."

Olivia's departure had left Fin and Amanda fielding nearly all of the calls, follow-ups, and interviews. She had even been the primary person making the coffee throughout the day. All of the grunt work made Amanda feel like a rookie again. Amanda still had a small mountain of paperwork on her desk that hadn't even been touched. At seven o'clock she had texted Nick to say that she wouldn't be home for dinner and that he shouldn't wait up for her. When he had texted back with a short _okay – see you in the morning_ followed by a heart emoticon_, _Amanda had smiled. It was nice to be with someone who understood the demands of the job.

At 9 o'clock Captain Dwyer turned out the lights in his office and closed the door. Fin had bounced out around 8:30. Before exiting the squad room Dwyer stopped by Amanda's desk, briefly stroking his salt hued mustache before opening his mouth.

"Rollins, I've been looking at your file and while I am impressed with the majority of your record, there are _obviously_ some things that I saw which did _not_ impress me."

John Dwyer had been Captain of the 1-6 for just under three weeks and was still getting to know his detectives – a fact that Amanda was well aware of. However, she had been clean for over a year. Was this little _chat _really justified?

"Captain, I've been straight for a long time now. I don't need that in my life anymore. You have _nothing _to worry about," Amanda assured him and then stuck a fake smile on her face.

Dwyer didn't believe that the young woman was gambling again, but the threat of instability in his unit made him uneasy. The less of Lt. Ed Tucker that he had to see, the happier he would be.

"I believe you, Detective. Keep it up and we'll have no problems." Dwyer slipped on his trench coat and nodded at Amanda. "Goodnight," he said and then walked out of the room.

Where did this guy get off? Amanda hadn't been near a gambling table in a long time. Dwyer's attitude really galled her. Amanda picked up a form off the pile on her desk and tried to get the conversation with Dwyer out of her mind. She worked through another hour before allowing herself a break. Suddenly, Amanda found herself wondering if _The Bank _was still open. She hadn't been there in ages. What would be the harm of stopping by tonight for a _drink_ – she didn't_ have_ to play – she could _just _watch, right?

Amanda came back to reality when she heard a familiar voice call to her.

"Hey, Sunshine!"

Amanda looked up and saw Nick walking down the hall towards the squad room carrying two cups of coffee. He had a huge smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Amanda asked. She thought Nick would be at home getting ready for bed.

"Douglas and I are getting a search warrant for that house near Seward Park – the one that I've been telling you about. I can't do anything until he has the warrant in his hands – thought I would bring you some coffee while I wait for his call." Nick smiled and placed one of the coffees on her desk.

The 1-6 wasn't anywhere near Seward Park or their apartment. For a former undercover cop, Nick was often a bad liar. He had just wanted to check up on her.

Amanda took a sip of the coffee and asked, "What do you expect to find at the house?"

"About 60 kilos of cocaine," Nick answered and then took a seat on the side of Amanda's desk.

Amanda was intrigued. "How much is that worth?"

"The street value is somewhere between $1.5 to 1.7 million," Nick replied and then added, "If we find what we expect to find, Douglas will probably get a commendation. He's the lead on this case."

Amanda had made a fair dent in her paperwork for the day. Why not bolt? It's not like Dwyer was there to stop her. Amanda needed some adventure to cap the night with, but not the kind that _The Bank _could offer her. That was trouble waiting to happen and Amanda knew it.

"Can I ride with you?"

Her request caught Nick off guard.

"To the drug bust?"

"Yea – I kind of want to see what a seizure this big is like. I promise I'll stay out of the way."

Nick was unsure. Why was Amanda so interested in this?

"Come on, this has been the shittiest day around here – I just want to do something exciting."

"Amanda, this is _not_ going to be exciting. It could be very dangerous. Where there are a lot of drugs, there are a lot of guns," Nick said and shook his head at her.

_Danger _– _that_ was the word – _that_ was what she craved. She needed a hit of that high stakes feeling.

"Come on, just this once," Amanda appealed again. She took her right hand and tugged at Nick's pants leg to emphasize her seriousness. "I'll even wear a vest and stay in the car."

Amanda was as wound up as a kid itching to visit a candy store. Nick was worried. He knew what that sparkle in her eyes meant. He looked down at Amanda's bright face - how could Nick say no to her? Even if he left without her, she would probably show up at the scene anyway. Mostly he was worried about where Amanda would go if he didn't acquiesce. Nick sighed, stood up, and motioned towards the door with a sweep of his left hand.

"After you."


	7. Chapter 7

Nick had been undercover since March. He hadn't wanted to go in, but he had been deemed the best candidate to infiltrate the Mendoza ring based on the work that he had done in Narcotics prior to his stint at SVU. Nick could don a fairly convincing Colombian accent when needed and so for the last three months he had lived as Diego Fernando Ramírez from Medellín. Deigo came from an upper class barrio and liked wearing trashy cologne and Armani Suits. _The Maltese Falcon_ was his favorite movie and he adored leggy brunettes.

Nick and Amanda could only communicate through an intermediary. If Mendoza or one of his goons discovered that Nick was sending and receiving messages with an NYPD cop, his whole cover would be blown and his life would be in danger. Once a week during confession hours, Nick would leave a message with a priest at a church near Mendoza's lair, who would then pass it onto the NYPD. Amanda wasn't in the Narcotics Unit and specifics on the Mendoza case were privileged information; all that she knew was that Nick was alive.

But it was _all_ over now; Mendoza's ring had been taken down and Nick was coming home tonight. Amanda wasn't a gourmet chef, but she tried her best to put something nice on the table that night. The pork was tender, the vegetables were crisp, and the merlot was smooth. Nick was impressed that Amanda had gone to such trouble just to welcome him back. He had come back from UC sporting a thick beard, which Amanda thought was incredibly sexy. She hoped that he wouldn't shave it off - at least not for a little while.

Amanda talked up a storm at the dinner table, trying to catch Nick up on everything that had transpired at SVU and with Zara while he had been away. She was _so_ excited to see him. But Nick was rather quiet; he nodded his head to indicate that he was listening and occasionally gave a few words to help stir the conversation pot. He barely looked up at her. _Something_ was wrong, but Amanda couldn't figure out what it was. She knew that covering for so long could be exhausting and nerve-racking. Maybe Nick was still inhabiting Diego Ramírez s skin. It might take a few days for Nick to come out from behind the mask.

When they had finished eating, Amanda cleared the table and poured them both a little more wine. She let her fingers roam freely over Nick's shoulder blades and started to gently massage his muscled back. Instead of leaning into her touch, he tensed up.

"Dinner was great. I'm going to take a shower," Nick declared abruptly and headed towards the bathroom without looking at Amanda. Amanda was hurt and dumbfounded. What exactly was going on? Amanda was determined to get to the bottom of Nick's elusive behavior. Amanda heard the sound of water begin to rain down on fiberglass – she decided to act.

Once in the bathroom, Amanda quietly removed her jeans and blouse. She hung them and her undergarments on the towel rack and slipped into the shower. Nick looked up at Amanda's nakedness; there hadn't been a night since March when he hadn't thought of her body. The steam from the hot water had turned Amanda's face a warm rose color. _God, she's beautiful_, he thought. Nick's eye's moved away from her, trying to avoid the inevitable.

"Here, let me wash your back," Amanda suggested. Before Nick had a chance to protest, Amanda had her right hand on his right arm, tugging at it swiftly and gently to turn him around so she could gain access to his back. When Amanda saw the skin on his back, she dropped his arm and her eyes went wide. As Amanda's eye took in the scratch marks, she understood what Nick had been concealing. Her hand passed over the marks just to make sure that her eyes weren't deceiving her.

"Amanda, I had no choice. Mendoza tested me from Day 1. He wasn't playing games. If I hadn't slept with her, she would have told him. My cover would have been blown," Nick confided softly. "They would have killed me."

Amanda knew that Nick was telling the truth, but she still felt pains of jealously shoot through her heart.

"I know," she responded faintly.

Amanda squeezed some citrus scented body wash onto Nick's back and then picked up a loofah and started to scrub his dorsal muscles with a vigorous hand. Amanda had plans to wash "her" off of Nick's mind _and_ body before the evening was out.


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia was eating a dinner of lukewarm spaghetti when the doorbell sounded. She looked up at the door and took a deep breath. Olivia didn't want to answer it, but her feet went against her wishes and as she walked towards the door, she found herself wishing that whoever it was would just go away.

When Olivia opened the door, she found Lt. Murphy standing out in the hallway. His face was as dark as a rain cloud. Olivia knew something was wrong and immediately invited him in. Had something happened to Amanda after Olivia had left the hospital? Amanda's wound was serious, but the doctors said that she would make a complete recovery.

"Olivia, I didn't know where else to come," Murphy began. He nervously ran his right hand through his shaggy hair. Murphy usually didn't fidget like this.

Olivia motioned for her guest to sit down, but he decided to remain standing. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Rollins' doctors told me that she was pregnant at the time of the shooting. She contracted an infection in the hospital and…." Murphy faltered for a moment but then continued, "…and she had a miscarriage."

"What?" Olivia's right hand mechanically clutched the back of one of her kitchen chairs for support as she processed what Murphy had just told her.

"Her doctors only told me because I am her commanding officer. I can't tell anyone else and I really shouldn't be talking to you about it. I don't think she would mind if I told you, but please don't mention it to her," Murphy pleaded with Olivia.

"I just needed to get it off of my chest," Murphy added.

Olivia nodded her head sympathetically. "Of course."

"Was or is she in a relationship with anyone that you know of?"

"Not that I know of," Olivia lied.

"I wonder if she knew she was pregnant?" Murphy said almost to himself.

"I don't know."

For a brief moment neither Murphy nor Olivia spoke, each of them trying to organize their thoughts.

"You want to stay for dinner?" Olivia offered. She could always microwave more of the pasta that was in the fridge. Murphy looked at Olivia's sad plate of spaghetti. He could buy a can of Chef Boyardee if that was what he was after.

"No thanks. I should be getting back to the station."

"Yea okay. I'll probably head back to the hospital after dinner and sit with Amanda for a bit," Olivia said.

"Let me know how she is," Murphy requested. "Have a good night. Be safe."

After Murphy was gone Olivia let out a deep sigh.

_Was or is she in a relationship with anyone that you know of?_

Olivia didn't like lying to a senior officer, but what else could she do? She promised Nick and Amanda that she would keep their relationship a secret. Tears started to fall down Olivia's cheeks. Her whole body shook for the sadness between her friends. Had Amanda even known that she was pregnant? And if she _had_ known, had she shared the news with Nick?

Olivia knew that Nick was probably still at the hospital sitting with Amanda, but since Nick was only officially there as a "concerned colleague" rather than as a boyfriend, the doctors wouldn't have told him about the pregnancy. Nick had absolutely no idea just how much he had lost today.

Olivia picked up her phone and found Nick's number. Her left index finger hovered over the green call button waiting for courage to come.

* * *

I know that this installment is a real downer. I promise that the next one will be lighter! :-)

I also know that there isn't much of a back story to this one-shot. The reader is just meant to assume that Amanda was shot in the line of duty and that this is an aftermath story with a Rollaro twist.


	9. Chapter 9

When Nick had suggested that he and Amanda volunteer for the Children's Leukemia Foundation Fundraiser, she had thought that it was a great idea. She grew even more enthusiastic when he told her that it was going to be a costumed event. She had enjoyed playing "dress up" as a little girl; putting on a mask and pretending to be someone other than who she was had always given Amanda a thrill. It was part of the reason why she liked going UC. She had even dabbled in her school's drama club during her teen years.

"I'd be up for that," Amanda had chirped without reservation. Nick was happy that he wasn't going to have to strong-arm her into attending. When Nick was six years old, the little boy that lived next door to him had died from complications from leukemia. He had only been a year younger than Nick. The memory of how the boy's death had affected his own mother had always stuck with him. _Nicolito_, _I don't think I could live if I lost you. _Now that Nick was a parent himself, his mother's words carried even more weight.

"I told Zara about it yesterday and she thinks we should go as Cinderella and Prince Charming," Nick told her and then took a sip of beer.

Amanda's smile faded. She didn't want to go as Cinderella; that was too dainty. It wasn't her style. "Come on Nick, if we are going to do matching costumes can we do something like Sam and Frodo from _Lord of the Rings_?"

"Hey I am not going as a hobbit!"

Amanda nodded her head. She knew that she wouldn't get Nick to dress as a Tolkien character. Besides, dressing as hobbits would require wigs and makeup; that was too complicated. "How about Wilma and Fred Flintstone?" she suggested and then said, "You might like me as a redhead."

"Fred Flintstone wears a dress – _no way," _Nick responded quickly. Amanda was surprised. Was Nick really so strict about gender identity?

"First of all, it's _not _a dress – it's an animal print robe. _Secondly, _what's wrong with a guy wearing a dress?"

"Nothing – I'm just _not_ a guy who wears dresses," Nick shot back.

"You _could _be," Amanda said with a sparkle in her eyes. "In _fact_, I think that _you _should go as Cinderella and that _I _should go as Prince Charming."

"Are you going to tell me that Cinderella wears a sparkling blue _robe_?" Nick quipped. "No – I'm not going to do it."

Amanda stood up and threw her empty beer bottle in the recycling bin. Then, she turned to face Nick and said, "Cinderella _definitely_ wears a dress. I just think that you should be more open about gender roles. It's 2014; _anyone_ can wear a dress and _anyone _can wear pants. _Stop _being a macho ass. The _kids_ will think it is hilarious. They'll get a kick out of it. Isn't that what the night is supposed to be about? It is about raising money for a good cause and giving the kids a memorable night, _right?_ What could be _more_ memorable than a strapping man wearing a beautiful blue dress? _Besides, _I am 10 times more charming than _you_ are, so by all rights_ I_ should be the prince."

* * *

The night of the Leukemia Fundraiser finally arrived. Nick and Amanda had left work early so that they could go back to the apartment and change into the costumes before heading to the event. Amanda had decided to forgo a wig and to just pin up her hair. _Nobody will be looking at me anyways,_ she thought to herself and then smirked while adjusting the golden epaulets on her costume. As Amanda slipped on a pair of long black boots, Nick called to her from the bathroom.

"Amanda, can you come help zip me up?"

When Amanda opened the bathroom door, she tried to stifle her laughter. Nick was a vision in sky blue satin, dark chest hair peeking out from his dresses' scooped neckline. She _still_ couldn't believe that they had found a Cinderella costume in Nick's size. He _really_ was being a sport.

"You look lovely dear; just remember to be back by midnight." Amanda c_ouldn't_ help herself. She knew she would be cracking jokes at Nick's expense all night.

"_Shut up_ and just zip me up," Nick yapped at her.

"Your fairy godmother is always _happy_ to help."

This _was_ going to be a memorable night indeed.

* * *

A/N: This is just a friendly reminder that every chapter in A Path is a one-shot. It is unlikely that I will do a follow up for Chapter 8. Sorry!


	10. Chapter 10

Amanda Rollins was practical. She knew that there might be a _very_ good reason why her cycle was a week late. She _had _been nursing a summer cold since the beginning of July and she also had been pulling a heck of a lot of overtime while preparing for the Milton trial. Because of the hectic and stressful schedule she had been grabbing quick and small meals where and when she could. Sometimes she didn't have time to eat lunch. Amanda hadn't been aware that she had lost weight until Fin made an offhand comment about her needing to eat a hamburger or two.

Amanda tried to distract herself with her e-mail during the six minutes that were needed to tell her what she was dying to know. She started to draft a response to a chatty e-mail from a former co-worker from her APD days.

_Five minutes left._

Amanda realized that she wasn't in the right frame of mind for letter writing when she noticed how many typos she had made. She clicked on the _save draft _option and then pulled a weather website up.

_Four minutes left._

It was going to be in the mid 80's all week. Zara would be visiting in a few more days. _Maybe we could go to the beach; the water is probably warm enough now, _Amanda thought.

_Three minutes left._

Amanda checked her inbox again. She deleted two pieces of spam mail and saw that she had a new message from her younger sister. She didn't open the e-mail from Kim; it could and _would _wait.

_Two minute left._

Amanda stood up and walked to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She really wanted one of the cans of beer that sat on the top shelf of the fridge, but it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon. And what if she _was_ pregnant? Would she really have to stop drinking all together? That was going to be tough. She knew that Nick would be one of those militant fathers-to-be; the type who wouldn't allow her even one sip of wine.

_One minute left._

Amanda looked at the bathroom door like it was a three-eyed monster. Why was she so afraid to go and look? It was only a pregnancy test. She hadn't planned to get pregnant, but she was 35 years old, old enough to handle whatever life threw at her. She didn't particularly feel like she had a maternal instinct but she could develop one, right?

_30 seconds left._

"Screw it," Amanda said out loud. She couldn't wait any longer. Amanda marched into the bathroom, picked up the six inch plastic tube that had her stomach in knots, and took a good look at it. There was a single vertical blue line in the round inset. That meant _not pregnant, _yes? Before breathing easy, Amanda consulted the instruction pamphlet to make sure that she wasn't mixing up her signs. When the pamphlet confirmed her memory, Amanda sighed the mother of relieved sighs. Now that she had her answer, she realized that it was the one that her heart had wanted. She wasn't ready to be a mom. Truth be told, she and Nick had never discussed whether they wanted to try for a baby. It seemed like a ridiculous notion given the demands of their jobs. Besides, Nick already had two kids, a boy _and_ a girl. What reason could he possibly have to want a third child? Amanda threw the test and its packaging in the pharmacy bag that she had carried home earlier that day. She buried the bag deep in the bottom of the bathroom garbage, reminding herself to take out the trash before Nick got home. There was _no_ reason to worry him.

Amanda headed to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Even though it was only 4:05, Amanda was _now_ ready for the beer that she been eyeing only minutes earlier. She was drinking for one, not two; what harm could it do?

But as Amanda took her first sip of beer, an uneasy feeling crept into her heart. Why did she feel that she had to keep the test from Nick? What was she afraid of? If she was relieved, he would be relieved too, right?

No matter how many times Amanda told herself that she was r_ight,_ a small voice in her head kept nagging at her that she was _wrong._

* * *

If anyone has a prompt for Chapter 11's one-shot, PM me or leave your idea in a comment...right now, I've got nothing...  
Also, I'm sorry if the results of the pregnancy test weren't what you were hoping for! ;-)


	11. Chapter 11

_This is a perfect day, _Nick thought. He sat on a faded blue and white striped beach chair, watching Amanda play with their son Liam off in a shallow part of the water. Even though Liam had a life jacket on, Nick still guarded him with two watchful and paternal eyes. The little boy had just turned two years old and was the apple of his parent's eyes.

Amanda wore a dark emerald green one piece bathing suit which made her light blond hair appear even lighter under the blazing sun. After Liam's birth Amanda had been self-conscious about how her body had changed. Most of her old clothes still didn't fit right and many styles that used to look good on her were now out of the question. Eventually, Amanda made peace with her new body and tried to focus on being strong and healthy instead of sleek and sexy.

Nick took a sip of ice tea and then reflected on all of the changes which had taken place over the last three years. Liam had been an unplanned pregnancy. When Amanda told Nick that she was pregnant, he had been doubtful and somewhat scared. How could he support another child? Their apartment was small and it wasn't in the best of neighborhoods. On top of that, he was paying child support to _both_ Maria and Cynthia; how could he afford the new little one, especially if Amanda took a lengthy maternity leave? Nick just didn't think that he and Amanda were in a good situation to raise a baby, but in his mind abortion wasn't even on the table. He made that very clear to Amanda from the jump; fortunately she agreed with him.

Nick had also been concerned about how Amanda would adjust to motherhood. She had never spoken about wanting a child before Liam came into their lives. She just wasn't the kind of woman who cooed over babies or melted at the sight of baby clothes. This is not to say that Amanda was bad with children. The few times that he and Amanda had babysat for Olivia, she had been a natural with Noah, something which she attributed to many years of babysitting younger cousins and neighborhood children during her own youth. But babysitting a friend's child was not the same thing as raising one of your own.

The wind picked up and greeted Nick's face gently. He closed his eyes contentedly as a warm breeze washed over his entire body. Upon opening his eyes, Nick once again sought his beautiful blond and little dark haired boy. His inquiring eyes did not find them. Had Amanda and Liam gotten out of the water? Nick's head swiveled in all directions, but he didn't see them. Amanda wouldn't just go somewhere and not tell him; she knew he would be worried. Nick looked out at the water again, but there was no sign of either Amanda or Liam. When Nick tried to rise to his feet he found that he could not move. It was as if his whole body was clamped to the beach chair; every part of him felt heavy and useless. Nick opened his mouth to call for help, but his vocal chords produced no sound. He screamed in silence; there were hundreds of people on the beach yet no one seemed to notice him. Nick's mind was in a state of panic. What was happening to him? And where were Amanda and Liam?

Nick's eyes flew open with fear. Where was he? As his breath became more even, he realized that he was lying in bed in his own apartment. It had all been a dream – a _very_ terrible and horrific dream. Nick looked over at Amanda, who appeared to be sleeping a peaceful and bottomless sleep beside him. Whatever terrors had visited him that night had passed completely over her. Nick reached his hand behind Amanda's back to draw her closer to him. While Nick drifted back to sleep, he prayed that the spirit of the protective and tight cocoon which he and Amanda now formed over the little boy who slept between them would be enough to keep him by their side for a very long time, if not forever.

* * *

A/N: I had a sense that some of my readers wanted a Rollaro baby fic, so I wrote this. Yes, it is a little dark, but I always have trouble writing pure fluff.

To the reader who requested the Nick takes care of a sick Amanda story - that will be installment #12


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